Seductive Mom

Today I gave a workshop titled “Seductive Mom”. Here’re a few tips for those who didn’t get a chance to join in.

1. How to tap into energy?

* During the first weeks after giving birth a mother needs to restore energy and get plenty of sleep. Let the baby sleep by your side, that’s what I did – my little daughter was sleeping on one side, and my husband on the other, and everybody was happy.

Make sure you don’t put the baby between you two. The first few weeks after giving birth as soon as your newborn falls asleep go to bed, too. That’s a sure way to keep postpartum fatigue at bay!

* Have a rest before you actually feel tired. Try “making-a-mother-kind” technique, taking 15 minutes each day to do the things you really enjoy – read, have a cup of tea, sing, just lie down and listen to some music. 15 minutes a day are fully yours. Each day. Before you get tired. Children will always demand attention and there will always be things to do. Don’t wait until you have free time. Take this time now.

* 15 minutes each day and… a couple of hours a week. Let Granny or a baby-sitter take care of the baby, and the evening (one or two hours) is all yours, without the husband, without the baby. When my daughter was 3 weeks old, I joined a strip dance group. My husband didn’t know about it which made it extra flavorful.

Surrounded by beautiful sleek girls, I got back in shape pretty fast to keep up with them. And an hour away made me miss my little one so much that for a week I didn’t feel like going out and enjoyed taking care of the baby.

You might meet up with your girlfriends or visit a beauty parlor – think of the things that can invigorate you and do take this time, as you won’t be able to get it back. Sleep and the time spent on yourself will leave you brimming with energy.

* Energy practices, such as, "Natural Breathing": https://mshitova.com/blog/page_cast_all.html or "The Kiss of the Womb" - a practice that helps lose weight after giving birth, power up, and bring pelvic organs back to normal. Here it is.

Lie down on the floor (or on the bed) with your legs bent at your knees. Breathe out, hold your nose with your hands, close your mouth (make sure there’s no air left). Take in a "fake breath"”, as if you want to breathe in, but your nose and mouth are shut.

Vacuum emerges inside, the diaphragm rises, the vagina and the womb get sucked inside. Don’t tighten your legs or belly. The ribs are spread out (think of a skeleton). We breathe in, relax, and hold our breath again. We do it 5 times.

It’s a great technique to avoid pelvic prolapse. It can be done right after giving birth if there were no tears, no stitches or Caesarean. If otherwise, you need to wait until stitches heal fully.

2. How to tone up you intimate muscles?

After birth until the doctor gives you a go ahead for having sex you may do exercises to strengthen the opening to your vagina such as these: https://mshitova.com/blog/contents_cast.html (cooming soon in English).

Or you may use your baby’s massage ball (fit ball): lie on your back, lift your legs, bend them, put the ball between your legs and squeeze it 50-100 times. This exercise is a great workout for the inner hip muscles and intimate muscles.

When you are able to make love and use objects to strengthen your muscles I recommend that you have a stone egg inside the vagina for 2-3 hours a day during a few weeks.

Go for the one without a thread, as the thread is for the weights, not to pull the egg out, and choose one without holes or cracks. It may be the size of a chicken’s egg or smaller and made of moon stone, amber, jade, or rosy quartz. Take the one that catches your fancy.

You have to wear trousers or tights to be sure you won’t drop it. When you are OK with having an egg inside you and it doesn’t fall out, there’s no point in doing it any longer, as it can cause a spasm in the vagina. Do it during the first few weeks after birth, as the vagina is “greedy” when it has something inside, it presses up instinctively, and the muscles get stronger.

I did it myself after giving birth, and my husband was very puzzled coming home from work to find me with my eyes burning, bursting with desire – and that’s after hours of walking with the baby in a pram!

 

3. How to create a romantic vibe?

It’s the woman who creates romance. During pregnancy and after birth take care to not let it fade away, or you might not be able to bring it back. It’s the period when men are afraid of turning from lovers to fathers. I will never forget my first husband’s face when I introduced him to my Mom as “the father of my child”. My husband-to-be said sadly: “I thought I was the man you love”. I have never made that mistake again.

You need to remember: You come first, your man comes second, and your child comes third. If it hadn’t been for the man, the child wouldn’t have been born. You had come to love this man so much that wanted to have a baby by him. And he has to remain number one for you.

Having a child is a trial for a couple, not something that automatically deepens your connection with each other. That’s why you need to nurture your relationship, too, not only the newborn.

How?

* First, the same 15-minute rule applies. Give 15 minutes a day to yourself and 15 minutes to your man. It’s just you and him, no talks about the baby.

Welcome him after work and heat up dinner for him (even if it was ordered at a restaurant and fetched by your Mom, still you are the one to serve it), ask him how his day was; you might scratch his back or just sit side by side in silence. What matters is to give him your undivided attention.

During the day text him saying how you miss and love him, that he is the best.

* And once a week have an evening out, just the two of you, no baby. You may have dinner in a nearby cafe or go to the cinema, just be sure to not talk about the baby.

When the baby grows a little older, you might join a sports club together. My husband and I took up ballroom dance when our daughter was 6 months old. Once a week one of the grannies arrived, and off we went to dance.

I don’t remember us missing a single time in 2 years – it was a thing to be cherished, a chance for us to spend time together, a romance, an encouragement for me to be beautiful among other girls, a flow fresh energy and impressions for a week ahead.

* Second, create a space at home that will make him want to come back to every evening. It’s tough keeping things in order by yourself when you have a baby; however, two places always ought to be neat – the kitchen and your bed.

Make sure there are no Pampers, dirty dishes, or unpleasant odors in the kitchen. During dinner make a habit of lighting a candle, even a small and a simple one. The fire will change the feel of the room magically.

I did this for a few months, and one evening it slipped my mind. My husband, a military man, not a sentimental kind, asked right away: "Wait, where’s the candle?" That was the last time I forgot about it.

* Put into your kitchen aroma lamp the fragrances of orange (causes a sensation of holiday), vanilla or cinnamon (the smell of coziness), or just make some coffee – most people savor these smells.

And put on slow, subtle music, like they do at expensive restaurants. It sets the right mood for talking. If your man watches TV in the kitchen, turn off the sound during ads, and that’s when the music will be heard.

These are ways to create a feel of warmness, calmness and coziness in the kitchen.

* Don’t worry if your bedroom is a mess, but the bed ought to attract, so arrange beautiful clean linen, nicely fluffed pillows, intimate lights, and put a picture where you and your man feel happy – a picture of your wedding, a party, or just of the two of you hugging, kissing and radiating happiness. The bed has to evoke his desire to lie down on it.

* Learn to speak the "right"kind of words: sitting by his side, as he breathes out say: "feels so good" or "so good together", so he gets used to his feeling good with you at home.

Set these anchors, and the man will be drawn home like a moth to lights, warmness, and coziness.

* Third, be beautiful. Pregnancy and childbirth is a marvelous time for a woman, it’s a holiday, the welcoming of a new human being to this life. I wonder why a lot of women dress like during an illness.

I remember how discouraged I was to see identical outfits women were wearing at the hospital – slippers, socks, and colorful worn-out robes. Occasionally I came across women in lovely outfits, with nails prettily done – I’m sure babies were happy to have these mothers.

I happened to give birth having my makeup on, and the doctor, a wise woman, said: "Good for you, the baby needs to see a beautiful Mom"

* Get ready in advance for going to the hospital, leaving it, and the first weeks after birth. Buy snug lovely outfits (don’t be embarrassed about your figure, loose clothes won’t hide it, and will look baggy), get rid of old and worn-out grey clothes.

Add more pink (that will make the man want to take care of you) and red or coral color (the energy of love), opt for soft fabric that’s nice to touch. Have your nails done and prepare a dress to put on when you will be leaving the hospital.

And when you come home – don’t let your husband see you in worn-out T-shirts with messy hair. Buy a few home garments in advance and add a couple of touches: undo the zipper a bit to expose a cleavage between your breasts, undo your hair, and put some mascara on your eyelashes… It takes no more than 2 minutes and makes a huge difference.

* And looking your husband into the eyes, say to yourself: "I want you" to get your subconscious in the right mood. Walking past the man, touch him with your plump breast or hip. Turn you back to him, if he passes by, encouraging him to touch your bottom. If you want to spice up whatever you’re busy with, try doing things a bit slower when the man’s present, as if lazily, catching his eyes on and off – that will add a flavor of sensuality.

* Indulge into playing a gorgeous, laid-back, loving young Mom, and the thoughts will match your body, bringing the right attitude. Everything starts in our heads.

Celebrate this time, be beautiful, you don’t know whether you’ll get another chance, do you?

4. Sex in this period

* Pregnant women and women after delivery, when they have their doctor’s go ahead, should opt for "slow sex". It is described in detail in a wonderful book by Diana Richardson "The Heart of Tantric Sex" http://www.amazon.com/The-Heart-Tantric-Sex-Fulfillment/dp/1903816378

The main point is that the man penetrates with a soft penis, without erection. The technique is quite simple: you apply plenty of lube, take the head of the penis between your index and middle fingers, putting the skin behind, and insert it into a relaxed vagina; then you take the base of the penis and insert it full depth.

If a woman is in pain after labor, this soft entry causes no painful sensations, the penis grows when inside, and lovemaking is being done very gently – soft hugs, slow movements, eye contact, relaxed breathing. That will create deep intimacy between you.

* And until you get your doctor’s go ahead for having intercourse, give your lover a penis massage. I suggest you turn on videos with manual caresses, I’ve got plenty on my vk page https://vk.com/club29959203, such as this one: https://vk.com/videos-29959203?section=album_40513152&z=video-29959203_162419801/club29959203 and repeat the movements.

You need a lot of lube, so you may take some baby care oil or buy peach oil at the pharmacy. You’ll have music, techniques, and atmosphere in the video. Turn on the computer and caress your man for 15-20 minutes. He’ll shower you with gratitude afterwards!

* Note down that nursing mothers have little natural lube because of the hormone prolactin, so you need to use water-based lube and eat more fruit rich in potassium.

* Prolactin sometimes brings sex drive down, too. It’s normal for a breastfeeding mother to keep on changing her mood. However, if there is no sex drive for a few weeks running, that indicates fatigue, lack of energy. Sleep more, do some practices, walk with an egg around your house :)

5. Breasts

* For better blood circulation and to avoid stretches you should massage your breasts regularly with olive oil, such as here: https://mshitova.com/blog/post_1352599160.html (exercise to bring three centers in balance)(coming soon in English) or here (in my group on vk): https://vk.com/club29959203): https://vk.com/videos-29959203?section=album_40513152&z=video-29959203_163248584/club29959203, and shake your breasts for 2-3 minutes. If you’re pregnant, don’t’ touch your nipples and the area around them, as that causes contractions of the vagina.

* Breasts are our sexual center, the source of feminine sexuality. And the time after giving birth is a perfect time to bring you more in touch with your breasts.

At this time there are more physical sensations in them, and you can feel them easily. For 5-10 minutes just hold your breasts in your palms, noticing physical sensations.

Feeling as if you’re lulling a baby, lull your breasts, let them rest, fill them with your loving attention (focusing on both of them). That’s one of the basic Tantric meditations for women.

And remember that the first year after childbirth is miraculous, all the practices are far more efficient than usually, and that’s when you can make a huge breakthrough.

Shine for your man and your newborn, and they will give you a hundred times more love and tenderness back!!!

With Love, Your Maria Shitova